Is Love ‘All You Need?’
Take for instance the marriage
of musician Billy Joel and supermodel Christie Brinkley. It only
lasted a few years. When interviewed, he stated that the main
problem they had was geographic: he was a New Yorker, loved the
city, and couldn’t live anywhere else. She was a California girl
who didn’t like New York. They simply couldn’t find a place to
live where both were happy or comfortable. When they went back
and forth between Los Angeles and New York, one was unhappy at
any given time. If they had tried the middle ground of Iowa,
both would be unhappy. This one “geographic problem” invaded
their whole lives and destroyed their marriage.
While we shouldn’t be naive
enough to think that this was the only reason for their divorce
(the real reasons are none of our business), this geographic
vignette is an excellent illustration of the importance of
non-emotional factors in marriage. Another example might be the
desire for children: no matter how in love the couple is, when
one spouse wants kids and the other doesn’t, the marriage has
very serious challenges awaiting it down the road.
Robert’s From France
… There is a cute story about a kid who
comes home from school one day and asks his father, “Where do I
come from?” His father, flustered, starts hemming and hawing,
gets red in the face, and eventually mumbles his way through the
long prepared explanation of the birds and the bees that he’s
been dreading for years. When he finishes, the son replies, “No,
Dad. I mean where do I come from? Robert says he is from
France, and I want to know where I come from.”
It is a funny little joke but it hints at
something kids start doing very young and continue through
adolescence and beyond – trying to find out who they are and
where they fit in. Child psychologists refer to this idea often
and assert that even young children need a sense of identity and
belonging…
Are We Racist?
Consider the following:
One of the few
African-Americans in the office stated in casual conversation
that he only wants to date other African-Americans, explaining
that while he respects all traditions and peoples, he wants to
be involved with someone who can fully share his culture and
values. He is being openly criticized by some liberal colleagues
for being anti-white - "whites have come a long way and are
willing to go out with you,” they say, "why won't you go out
with whites?”
Who is really being racist – the
African American worker who doesn't want to intermarry or his
detractors? In order to properly answer the question, let us
think about what racism really is - and what it is not. |
