Last time we Googled “sex gods” no one’s photo or profile showed up that wasn’t related to Greek mythology. So we all could use a lesson on how to have better sex. If you’re thinking, “nah, I’m a Golden God”, you should really read all the way to the end. You’re probably not as wonderful between the sheets as you might think.

So what do you do?

The female species as a whole is so self conscious about all noise be it from the mouth or body but being quiet or silent is a bore. Two humans in the throes of some good old fashioned loving making with the sounds of wet body parts slapping up against each other is damn hot. Don’t be embarrassed by your body enjoying the moment. Add a little dirty talk into it and if talking dirty scares you, at least be loud with your moans and groans. Some sort of communication to your lover to let them know you are having a good time.

Unless you’re in bed with James Deen or Jenna Jameson, having porn star sex is a sure why to pull a muscle you’ll regret. Though pornos do in fact show men and women having sex, what they do not show are the propos, the camera, the cables and other gimmicks to get that show on film. Porn positions are done just for the camera to catch the best shot and then edited. Also, porn positions can’t be held for long periods of time by normal people without causing your whole body to spasm or strain in pain. Trying to shift and twist yourself or your partner into a human pretzel like in the movies will more than likely get you kicked in the face or worse yet in the nuts.

Unless you hired an escort and told her you’re just going to be lazy and lie there, don’t be a human statue. If your girl is on top get in on the action! Touch her body or even rub her clit – depending on how fast she’s riding you. Why not hold her hips in place while you thrust upward? It takes little effort to do so and you’ll be better for it. It’ll show her that you’re still present even though you’re not on top doing what you do best.

Sex between two people is a give and take relationship. If your partner gives you oral and they’re not a big fan, you better reciprocate. It’s a way of saying “hey thanks, I appreciate you for giving me pleasure”. One cannot be on the receiving end of pleasure only with no giving back. It’s just not fair and if you want to keep your partner around longer than a porn flick, make sure you give back. If not, taking without giving is a sure fire way to be kicked to the curb.

Is this a Bible of how to have better sex? Of course not. Communication between you and your partner is key. Having an open dialogue of what you both like and don’t like also helps. Be patient and practice as much as you can, dispelling any selfishness and images of porn star sex. You can be having mind-blowing out-of-this-world sex, and it won’t look like it does on porn, but that’s totally fine. In fact, it might even be a hundred times better.

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